My mother named me Grace because there is so little of it left in this world. “Elegance my dear lady, do not ever forget your poise and that I raised you to be proper.”
There was no rebellion from me when it came to living up to my name sake. I am a naturally refined conservative: a business owner, a republican. I am also Catholic which is a special kind of penance. I’ve lived my entire life doing the right thing until there is no scandal, nothing out of the ordinary to find. Most of my forty years of life have been quite wholesome, have been quite quaint. It wasn’t until recently that things began to get wild.
One year ago I decided to snoop in my boyfriend’s email. It wasn’t that I did not trust him. It was that I was morbidly curious to know more of what he kept private. What I found changed my life.
“Hey there. Nice ad…gorgeous cock (still drooling). My stats: 5″11′, 175, thin, fit, 7.5″ cut. I have a little experience, but want much more. I also crave the feeling of a cock sliding in me, but am versatiley minded and would want to link up with someone also wants to give and receive. Have a live-in girlfriend so discretion is paramount. A few pics…message me back if interested…fuck that cock…imagine myself stroking it with lube and climbing on top for a ride….”
My boyfriend was not messaging a woman for sex. He was messaging a man. Everything has changed now, especially the choices that I thought I would make. Not anything I have done in reaction to the news of my boyfriend’s hidden bisexuality was as I expected, was as I planned. I did not expect to feel the way I do inside. How could I have known that I would grow to ache for when he aches for? That I would want what he wants. That I would need it.
ARE YOU REAL GRACE? I AM FOLLOWING.
Okay, so now I read it. I’m new to your blog, so I don’t know if this is real or an ongoing fictional story. But assuming it’s real, I think in any relationship, the needs of both people need to be met, without infringing on each other. That is the ideal, in my mind.
Hello and thank you for reading and following. If you are new to my blog you should know that I only created it on April 20, 2016. I did so in secret though I do love to write publicly. GRACE AND GOOD MEN is true fiction. It is deeply personal and my very real life story. This is the first time in my life that I have every lived a reason to hide. This is the first time in my life that I look around and I have no one near me that knows or can relate to the choices that I face, to the choices I am making. Who can understand this life, this love?
Imagine my position. I am a straight female. What would I do if I discovered that my boyfriend was making plans to have sex with a man he connected with on the internet? It’s the easiest answer that ever was an answer.
“I WOULD PACK UP MY SHIT AND I WOULD BE GONE!”
Except, one year later I am still in my relationship and there is not anyone in the world that fully understands why, including myself. I love him is not enough. The implications and the consequences are far too severe. This love feels selfish. Love can not be selfish. I have a family to think about. He has a family to think about. What will our children think if they knew? Or our parents? Or our friends? Where will this lifestyle lead? What will be our end?
Love requires the needs of both people being met and we are all so full of complicated need. The wisest argue, “We need water. We need food. We need air. We need shelter. Needs are simple.”
Humans need more than simple. You are reading that story and it is one that explores the balance of love and sex, need and want, life and death, real and fantasy. It is a pragmatic romance. Thank you for following and for writing. Your shares and comments are greatly appreciated as they offer the a gift of perspective. Perhaps I am at the very least- relatable.
With The Warmest Regard and Many Blessings,
Grace Gordan
graceandgoodmen 